did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
