I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize