I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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