Already got asked if we're dating
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize