I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize