Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
