VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When are your genitals available?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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