I am puke
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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