its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize