Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
