At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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