Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
