i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
