she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
