Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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