i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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