He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
