Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
