I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
