I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
