i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
