we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
