i would punch a child for taco bell
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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