We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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