Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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