She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
