i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
