Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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