she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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