If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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