her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
