Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
