Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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