I love black thongs
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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