So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
