You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize