sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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