i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
