Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
