Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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