there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
