oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
