3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
