Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
