I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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