I want to make a zoo with you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
