If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
high people should be assigned attendants
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
