I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
