Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
