Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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