nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize