I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
