Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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