Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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