I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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