please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize