At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
