so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
