Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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