woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
