Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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