I didn't shave. On purpose
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
