her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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