The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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