Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
