I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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