don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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