Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
