Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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