Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
