I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
