we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
