Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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