I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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