Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
