Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
