Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Farmville is her only friend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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