Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
