I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
