watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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