question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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